She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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