Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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