I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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