Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
