Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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