I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If I die, sorry about rent.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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