dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
