The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
