pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
