you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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