this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
