Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
