Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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