i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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