He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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