Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
