She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
