Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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