so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
