How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
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It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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