I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
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Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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