He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
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After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.