I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death