I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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