i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
