Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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