i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Shame is for Republicans.
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