I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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