I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
3pm strippers are depressing
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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