I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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