We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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