I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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