so explain again why im purple
no
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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