Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
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Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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