As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
