we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
