Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Pants are for mortals
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
