A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
