would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
