Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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