My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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