as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Send help, water and tortillas.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
