Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
