Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
