were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
