She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
