afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
