I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
