dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
