do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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