we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
