When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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