I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
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Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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