just come out here and I will go home with you...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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