You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
