i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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