u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I skipped work to stalk him.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
