i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i will never coherently bang her
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
