Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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