The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
