I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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