do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
