im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
