Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
